Glossary of Real Estate terms

Spacious - average
Charming - small
Comfortable - very small
Cozy - very, very small
Low maintenance - no lawn
Walk to stores - nowhere to park your car
Prestigous - expensive
Bright and sunny - venetian blinds not included
Townhouse - former tenement
Modern - 30 to 40 years old
Contemporary - at least 15 years old
Sprawling ranch - inefficient floor plan
Natural setting - forget about planting, the deer
will eat everything
Secluded setting - far away
Executive neighborhood - high taxes
Near houses of worship - fanatical denomination
next door
Park-like setting - a tree on the block
Unaffected charm - needs painting
Starter home - run down
Hurry! Won’t last - about to collapse
And much, much more - nothing else comes to mind
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Realtor: first you folks tell me what you can afford,
then we’ll have a good laugh and go on from there.
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My buyer told me that he lived in the same house for
10 years. When I checked, I found out he’d still be there
today if the Governor hadn’t pardoned him.
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There is no longer a need for the neutron bomb. We
already have something that destroys people and leaves
buildings intact. It’s called a mortgage.
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Buy Me Out

A very successful real estate broker had a meeting with
his new son-in-law. “I love my daughter, and now I welcome
you into the family,” said the man. “To show you how much
we care for you, I’m making you a 50-50 partner in my real
estate office. All you have to do is go to the office every day
and learn the business.”

The son-in-law interrupted, “I hate office. I can’t stand agents.”

“I see,” replied the father-in-law. “Well, then you’ll work in
the office and take charge of some the paperworks.”

“I hate paperworks,” said the son-on-law. “I can’t stand being
stuck behind a desk all day.”

“Wait a minute,” said the father-in-law. “I just made you
half-owner of my real estate office, but you don’t like
office and won’t work in a office. What am I going to
do with you?”

“Easy,” said the young man. “Buy me out.”
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Congratulations On Your New Home!

A client bought a new home and the broker wanted to send
flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the home and the
owner read the card; it said “Rest in Peace”.

The owner was angry and called the florist to complain. After
he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry
he was, the florist said. “Sir, I’m really sorry for the mistake,
but rather than getting angry you should imagine this: somewhere
there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers
with a note saying, “Congratulations on your new home”.
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To, Fun, Fortune and Freedom,

Tim Mai